You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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