Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
