I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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