Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
