My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
