No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
