this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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