i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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