dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
