I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
