Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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