He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
