Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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