How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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