...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
