My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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