You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
