You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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