I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
