i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize