Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize