So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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