I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
