tequila makes me forget i have legs
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
