Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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