I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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