just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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