You just made me feel so damn special
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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