he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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