Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
