Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
