went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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