I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
