Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
