so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
