Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
