I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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