quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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