i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This baby is an asshole
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
