i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I skipped work to stalk him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i came on her dog
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
