Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
