i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize