I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
