you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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