They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
