he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
