the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize