Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
