Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
