Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
