cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
