OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
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Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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