im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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