Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
