By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
