In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
