well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He shit in the fireplace
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize