ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
