Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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