my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
