Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
