I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how can u be prego again
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
