Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
