Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
