was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
