Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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