Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
