You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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