your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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