i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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