Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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