Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
