It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
