you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
